Love Languages: What You Should & Shouldn't Do
Not sure what your love language is? Not sure what your partners love language is? Use this list to figure out which you relate to the most and what you can do for your S.O. based on their love language.
I think by now most people have a general idea that love languages exist. I mean if you're constantly having miscommunications or arguing with your partner, you're probably just not understanding their actual needs and/or how they need to feel loved. Most people can SERIOUSLY relate to this and by most people I definitely am including myself LOL.
So according to the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, there are 5 main ways to give/receive love to/from your partner: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Most of the time, we don't have the same love language as our partners, which can cause difficulties for the future and MANY disagreements. But you know what? That's okay. What's important is recognizing that your partner may not be the same as you and doing what you can to express your love in the way that they need and recognize it. So no, if your love language is physical touch but your significant others is words of affirmation - being touchy and feely with them when they're upset isn't going to make them feel better, even if YOU think you're showing them love. If you're unsure which one you relate to the most, go online and take a quiz orrrr just keep reading.
If you're new to this, I'm here to help. If you're not new to this but want to learn more, I'm here to help. Here are some examples of what you can do for others based on their love languages:
Words of Affirmation - Expressing your love using your words.
What To Do: Say 'I love you', send sweet messages, lots of compliments, comments of appreciation, tell them you're proud of them, random phone calls throughout the day, encouraging words.
What Not To Do: Criticize, saying things you don't mean, putting your partner down even during an argument.
Acts of Service - Ease the burden off of someone and going out of your way for them.
What To Do: Help with something without being asked, prepare a meal for them, make their morning coffee, run their errands for them, clean or tidy up for them.
What Not To Do: Stop being lazy all the time, stop promising something will get done and never get it done.
Receiving Gifts - Giving a physical gift expresses your affection to the other person.
What To Do: Buy a card just to write about how you appreciate them, remember something they say they wanted and get it for them, care packages, have their favorite restaurant delivered to them, coming home with souvenirs after traveling without them - none of these have to be expensive to show how much you love them! The little things also count!
What Not To Do: Generic gifts with no meaning, forgetting major events and occasions, inconsistency.
Quality Time - Being present in the moment with your partner and spending time together.
What To Do: Put away your phone when you're together, show an interest in their hobbies, plan consistent dates, have quality conversations, do activities together - cooking, working out, trying new places.
What Not To Do: Be distracted, forget planned dates, consider your partner needy for wanting quality time, focusing on quantity of time rather than quality of time.
Physical Touch - Physical expression of love
What To Do: Hold hands, massages, back scratches, sitting close, cuddles, playing with hair, kissing, intimacy.
What Not To Do: Withhold touch when upset, neglect.
Everyone deserves to feel loved whether that's the same way as you or not. Also! Love languages don't just apply to you and your significant other but also your parents, siblings, friends, anyone. If you're unsure of your partners love language, communicate! Imagine someone giving you a gift every time you're upset over just wanting the dishes cleaned. Like, yeah... the gift is nice but maybe I just need you to recognize that I'm overworked and need a little help. You taking the responsibility to do it for me without me asking would make me happier than any gift would. Yeah, you can show love to your partner, but make sure you're showing it in a way that makes them feel that love and appreciation. So take the time to figure out what you both want and need and stop wasting your time and effort of things that don't matter to your partner. You'll see a dramatic improvement in all your relationships the second you recognize what people need to feel loved.